After Hours Crisis Hotline:
Does your partner
- Treat you as less than a person?
- Embarrass you with bad names and put-downs?
- Treat you with disrespect and put you down?
- Make you feel unable to make decisions?
- Act extremely jealous and/or possessive of you?
- Tell you you’re a bad parent or threaten to take away or hurt your children?
- Isolate You?
- By controlling where you go, who you see and talk to, what you wear?
- Keep you from spending time with your family and friends?
- Put down your friends and family, your dreams, ideas and/or goals?
- Expect you to spend all of your time with them or to "check in" with and let them know where you are?
- Intimidate or threaten you?
- Grab, push, pinch, shove, slap, or hit you?
- Pressure you to do things sexually that you aren’t ready for?
- Destroy your property or threaten to kill your pets?
- Create an uncomfortable environment?
- Lose their temper frequently over little things?
- Make you feel as if you are walking on eggshells to keep the peace?
- Make threats to hurt you, leave you, hurt your pets, destroy your property and/or commit suicide if you don't do what they want?
- Play mind games or make you feel guilty?
- Refuse to take responsibility for their actions? Blame you, drugs or alcohol, their boss, parents, etc. for their behavior?
- Sometimes feel scared of how your partner will act?
- Constantly make excuses for your partner’s behaviors?
- Always do what your partner wants you to do instead of what you want?
- Believe that you can help your partner change if only you changed something about yourself?
- Stay with your partner because you are afraid of what your partner would do if you broke up?
The family pet is one of comfort and companionship and also another victim of family violence. Many people will delay leaving their abuser for fear of the safety of their pet. They will use the family pet as a control device threatening to hurt or kill the pet in order to get what they want from the abused spouse. Alternatives to Violence has resources available to you and your beloved animals to make sure everyone is safe. We have access to shelters and foster programs to help your pet escape abuse as well.
Cycle of Violence
Domestic abuse is about power and control. Abuse is a cycle that repeats over and over again, this is what it could look like:
Victims deny it's happening, excuses it as some outside stress (work, etc.); blames themselves for their partner’s behavior, denies that the abuse will worsen. The partner denies it by blaming the tension on them, work, the traffic, anything; by getting drunk, denies responsibility for their actions.
Victims deny their injuries, minimizes them, blames it on the partners drinking ("They didn’t know what they was doing.") doesn't label it rape because it was their partner/spouse.
Victims minimize their injuries ("it could have been worse."); believes this is the way it will stay, this person is the partner of their dreams, believes the partners promises. The partner also believes it won’t happen again.
Power and Control